The Nit Nuss

It was fower o’clock an’ time ter goo ‘um

But we just sot theer lookin’ glum.

On the taycher’s werds we ‘ung in ‘orrer

The nit nuss comes termorrer.

Ar run ‘um fast yo’ bet Ar did

Ter raych the toothcum afowa aer kid.

When ‘e atter wait ‘e was nearly in fits

"Urry up yo; Ar’ve got nits !"

"Ar short " Ar said "Ar was ‘ere fust

Thuz summat in mar yed an’ it ay just dust.

But Ar’ll tell yer worr Ar’ll dew wi yo’

Ar’ll lend yer me bottle o’ Sulio"

Ten ter nine the follerin’ mornin’

A sight confirmed the taycher’s warnin’.

Cuss raernd the corner fer all ‘er was wuth

Pedalled the dreaded skewl nit nuss.

‘Er bike ‘ad a chainguard an’ lights Ar recall

an’ brakes that werked an’ mudguards an’ all.

An’ on the frunt a little wire basket

In which ‘er kept ‘er nit catchin’ kit.

They called aer names we all lined up

Between ‘er bowsums aer yeds ‘er’d cup.

Threw yer ‘air ‘er’d flick the cum

An’ that was it; yo was done.

Aer kid day ‘e ‘alf loff an’ gloat

When the nit nuss sent me ‘um wi a note.

Ar felt ser bad Ar wanted ter cry

Ar’d ‘ad a note an’ day know why.

Then aer kid gid me some advice

As ter wheer Ar’d catched this yedful o’ lice.

‘e’d ‘ung abaert till Ar was in bed

Then secretly ‘e’d toothcummed ‘is yed.

Ar’d picked ‘em up an’ Ar day know wheer

Then aer kid loffed said wi a jeer:

"Thuz summat as yo’ve just gorrer know

Ar catched all mine an’ gid ‘em yo’."

contributed by Paul Bowen (from an unknown author)

10th Dec 2003
We are assured by Andrew Homer whose father Winston Homer used to organise Black Country Nights
that this poem was written in the 1970's and regularly performed live by
Ron Burns